Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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