I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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