I want to have your abortion
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
