billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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