I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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