I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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