Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
