If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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