You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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