All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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