I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
