thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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