do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
