The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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