There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize