farters have to be the big spoon...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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