He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
