I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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