he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
