I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
