So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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