At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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