She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
