That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
