I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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