I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
