Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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