I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
