Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
All the doctor said was why
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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