I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
