he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
