naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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