EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
