Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
