I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Ketchup is God's man juice
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
