her vagine was all disorganized.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my shit smells like andre
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
