my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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