I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
