If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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