He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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