I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
