she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
