So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
