I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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