hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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