Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
