just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
