I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
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