If that was your dad, he is hot
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
