my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
