So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
