i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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