I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
