I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
