You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
