and my herpes radar will keep us safe
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
