Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
