His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
