just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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