maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
