so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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