We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
