i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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