Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
