Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
