So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
