after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
