u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my shit smells like andre
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
