she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
