i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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