actually, I'm a sock model
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
