I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
