Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
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What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
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Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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