I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I look better un-naked...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
