Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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