So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
