Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dude i'm inner monologue high
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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