She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He keeps bees of course he's weird
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
