I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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