We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
